Discussion:
LittleEndian's Circle Strengthening Diary -- Week 23
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LittleEndian
2018-06-17 19:08:55 UTC
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Since I was young, my mind has had the habit of beating itself up over
little, inconsequential things I say while out socialising. Over time,
this has got less. This weekend, it's really been hammering me.

While my mind has turned this into an ordeal, it has had the benefit
that I've done some meditation this weekend. But it is surprising how
little given that I know that this is an effective way to stop beat
myself up.

I can stop it at any time, and just be independent of those thoughts,
but at the same time part of me is just too tempted and insists on
identifying with and indulging those thoughts.
Mike_Duffy
2018-06-18 03:27:36 UTC
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Post by LittleEndian
I can stop it at any time, and just be independent of those thoughts,
but at the same time part of me is just too tempted and insists on
identifying with and indulging those thoughts.
I suspect that we all do this to some extent. In my case it is not
"inconsequential things I say while out socialising", rather re-visiting
important choices that I have made at various points of my life and trying
to imagine how things might have turned out had I chosen differently.

Retroreflection is fine as long as it entails more honest self-appraisal in
anticipation of future preparedness than pointless regret of things already
done that cannot be changed.

( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer )

Sometimes we are blind to the difference because we are too close to the
problem.
LittleEndian
2018-06-18 18:43:02 UTC
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Post by Mike_Duffy
Post by LittleEndian
I can stop it at any time, and just be independent of those thoughts,
but at the same time part of me is just too tempted and insists on
identifying with and indulging those thoughts.
I suspect that we all do this to some extent. In my case it is not
"inconsequential things I say while out socialising", rather re-visiting
important choices that I have made at various points of my life and trying
to imagine how things might have turned out had I chosen differently.
Retroreflection is fine as long as it entails more honest self-appraisal in
anticipation of future preparedness than pointless regret of things already
done that cannot be changed.
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer )
There was a time in my life when my appraisal was solely focused on how
I will act in the future. So if the information required me to act
differently or take a specific action, I would note that away, and then
I would think on it no more. If the information required no change, then
I'd just be able to let it go. That, unfortunately, is something I
cannot do right now. It's like the temptation to worry and wallow in
such things is too great for me to resist.
Post by Mike_Duffy
Sometimes we are blind to the difference because we are too close to the
problem.
I think the cause is a mixture of identification and habit. If the thing
is something you identify with, a thought that you have empowered, then
it's easy to get caught up in it. And if you've been habitually doing it
for a while, then your mind takes that path naturally.

Going through this reminded me of what it's like to start meditating
again, because it feels like I've had to relearn the basics of (1)
catching myself when reflection turns into to worry and (2) to stop
doing that once it has been noticed. That doesn't mean the same thought
won't arise five seconds later, but by repeating this process, in my
experience, such thoughts slowly have less power over you, and
reflection becomes more on point. I'd say this is the essence of
strengthening your circle.
Colonel Edmund J. Burke
2018-06-18 15:19:15 UTC
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Since I was young my mind has had the habit of beating itself up over little inconsequential things I say while out socialising(sic). Over time this has got less. This weekend, it's really been hammering me. While my mind has turned this into an ordeal, it has had the benefit that I've done some meditation this weekend. But it is surprising how little given that I know that this is an effective way to stop beat myself up.
After meeting Little Indian for the furst time, Pleasance said, "He's a bit of a squirrel, isn't he?"
LOL
Bassos
2018-06-21 08:38:38 UTC
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Post by LittleEndian
Since I was young, my mind has had the habit of beating itself up over
little, inconsequential things I say while out socialising.
Ah yes, the 'if only i had said xyz, i would have looked so great to
un(!)lookers'.
Back when what 'other' people think still was relevant.

That is what retroactive remanipulation of reality is about right ?

That 'other' people think highly of you ?
Yaknow. that thing based in fear, that somehow being a full fledged
human being with sentience and selfawareness would somehow not be enough
for the universe full of dead rocks and burning sons.

Nah my dude, actually merging a soul with a human body is quite an
ordeal, so congrats !

It is only natural to compare yourself to your surroundings.
Iesch for picking a mate that will produce healthy offspring, and the
limited methods we have at our disposal.

Compared to a grain of sand, we do alright.
Compared to a solar system, we are the grains.
Compared to our milky way, we are more akin to molecules.
Compared to our local cluster, we are more akin to atoms.

So the chamber of relative importance, and being just fine with that.
LittleEndian
2018-06-25 05:35:50 UTC
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Post by Bassos
Post by LittleEndian
Since I was young, my mind has had the habit of beating itself up over
little, inconsequential things I say while out socialising.
Ah yes, the 'if only i had said xyz, i would have looked so great to
un(!)lookers'.
Typically, people don't beat themselves up about things that could have
said to make themselves look good, but things that they would prefer
they didn't say.
Bassos
2018-06-28 16:32:23 UTC
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Post by LittleEndian
Post by Bassos
Post by LittleEndian
Since I was young, my mind has had the habit of beating itself up over
little, inconsequential things I say while out socialising.
Ah yes, the 'if only i had said xyz, i would have looked so great to
un(!)lookers'.
Typically, people don't beat themselves up about things that could have
said to make themselves look good, but things that they would prefer
they didn't say.
Heh.

Is that actually typical ?

Ohr perchance far moar ; you ?

Does your mercury rise befoar your sun ?

Mine is after my sun, so i mostly act first, think later.

Ofc; sun at 0:10 Taurus is also end of Aries, so i jump in; Aries style,
and then stay there, wherever that is; Taurus style.

The saying of regretting the things you did not do moar than the ones
you did, is then not applicable to you ?

For me; i mostly think everyone else is kinda restricted.

Perhaps in the good way; in the bind nothing kind of way.

If nothing would not be bound, reality would not exist.

Iesch the Ain, in ain soph aur.

the word of sin is restriction.

If nothing exists, restriction already was.

so; sin is movement.

just like magick is :)

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